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Sunday, January 13, 2008

How to find a mate

Apropos of not much, I found this post about the 237 reasons people have sex on the Daily Irrelevant. 237? Is that all?

One comment mentioned that dating self-help guru David DeAngelo advises men to be annoying in order to attract women. Apparently nice guys and wussies don't rate. He's right about one thing though: a sense of humour is important. Unfortunately I don't think it can be taught by buying this guy's product. Although the YouTube samples are unexpectedly hilarious with some bizarre and suitably nerdish research-type psychologist showing graphs of menstrual cycles and lots of earnest lonely lads 'fessing that they're changed by the experience of shelling out $2500 for a 3-day course learning how to charm the birds from the trees.

A quote:
Recently, Men's Health interviewed hundreds of men, who while lying on their deathbeds, were surveyed about their biggest regrets in life. Some said "I wish I made more money." Some said "I wish I traveled more."

To my astonishment, but hardly a surprise, the number one regret that men face right before their final departure in life, is "I wish I had slept with more women."
Well, perhaps no surprise there, but the question of what kind of person would systematically poll dying men for their biggest regrets is not asked.

There was this creepy promise though:
Discover how to interpret anything a woman says as an indication of interest.
Er...hello? Did I misunderstand?

"Please give me 500 grams of sliced kielbasa."
"Oh, you just want it don't you, you horny little slut!"


Of course hope is what is being sold here and there's an almost infinite demand for that. Look at the cosmetics or hair care industries. Huge sales of shampoo to make one more attractive. It's a gold mine! Billions of dollars for the taking.

When I was a lot younger, during the late Paleolithic, there were huge sales in chemical attractants, from musk to pheromones. Guaranteed results, or your money back. (The question of who would declare himself a dating failure by sending the product back never seemed to arise.)

And there's more, of course. You can pay a mere $1200 to have yer DNA matched to find your perfect partner. A miracle of technology!

For $0*, I can tell you the secret to attracting a mate:
  • Be nice
  • Be cheeky
  • Be clever
  • Be playful
  • Be humourous
  • Be interesting
  • Be mildly disinterested
Or, disregarding all of this:
  • Be rich
I can't tell you how to be these things. All in the eyes of the beholder. And keeping that person interested in you is yet another complete set of books and DVDs.

Perhaps you should pay for a pick-up coach to tell you how to find a mate. Alternatively, buy some shampoo; the real stuff stinks**.

* and as usual you get what you pay for.
** Stolen joke alert!

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