Pets

A pet is often defined as a non-human companion although humans can be pets too. The word implies a subordinate being doted upon by the pet owner. Most of us think of animals when we think of pets.

There is an enormous kaleidoscope of behaviours around this topic. People are usually very devoted to their pets, sometimes beyond death – I was astonished to find my brother-in-law has his late dog's ashes in an urn on a specially built shelf at the turn of his stairwell. This is years after the dog died. It seems so...unbalanced. Every time one goes up and down the stairs of his house, there she is. Perhaps I'd have felt it a bit more normal if there had been a picture of the dog there. However, the portrait, there is no other word for it, is an enormous oil painting-like photo set in a gilt frame over his fireplace.

There are a lot of funerary practices for beloved pets that are considered quite sensible – burying the dear departed at the end of the backyard is one. I think this is reasonable although it can be exhausting what with the fits of weeping and the damage to the lawn. Paying the vet to have the remains cremated is another for the more fastidious and less athletic. Buying a plot in an actual pet cemetery, where vast green lawns are dotted with full-sized statues of sleeping animals, seems a bit excessive. Worse still, one may be buried in such a cemetery, provided one is first cremated. This isn't much different from the Ancient Egyptians who mummified their cats, presumably to meet them again in the afterlife. Millions and millions of mummified cats. Of course, this did happen over the course of more than a thousand years so they had quite a while to accumulate.

At the other end of life is the expression of our love in the form of food. Mealtimes for cats and dogs are sometimes as fraught as those of small children. The pet owner (or the staff as my cat appears to believe) provides that adorable tiny tin of Duck and Wild Rice, or Cod, Sole and Shrimp – opens it, mixes it, just so, with a drop of warm water, and then is stunned by its almost instant rejection. 

“What? You liked this the other day! What have I done? What can I do?” 

Our hunt for ever more exotic and increasingly expensive delicacies to appeal to the feline palate is on-going. I have it on good authority that other pets like hamsters, gerbils and rabbits are not so particular.

Someone has made a shortfilm, in the style of the French existential cinema, black and white with a deep male voiceover and subtitles – it's called “Henri – le Chat.” In this, the tormented soul of an indoor cat ponders his fate – he is doomed to live a life where his Whitefish and Tuna is starting to taste the same as his Turkey and Giblets. It's all very sad. The difficulties in getting good staff are manifest.

There are more difficult cases. I have a friend who spoils her cats. She got a new kitten a couple of years ago, a very pretty tabby with unusually wide black stripes. It grew up into a beautiful young cat. And then it got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Not in height, but in girth. It is now has the dimensions of an enormous furry beach ball. I presume this is not entirely the cat's fault. We love our pets to death.

What do I want to say about pets? I thought about saying they are useful in reminding us about Life and our humanity and the natural world, but it's really about love.

We need to love and we need to be needed, even if it is only by an ungrateful pet at mealtimes.

Letters to M - February 2013

Dear M,

Great news that you're starting on the new treatment! One day at a time, everyone...

Our cat, Freya, is not having a very good winter as I mentioned before but now there is more to worry about: firstly there is a nasty new grey tomcat in the neighbourhood - whenever he sees her, he chases her and bites her! Secondly, I have started putting out peanuts for the birds, and a flock of blue jays now come to our tiny bird feeder. This is attached to the front window of our house and it's so close, that Freya thinks she can catch the birds. She runs forward to seize them...until she hits the glass!

So she can't go out, for fear of being beaten up (unless we're around - we chase the grey cat out of the yard) and she gets very frustrated at the mocking and laughing of the blue jays, who have learned to ignore her attacking from the inside of the window. Plus it's cold, and snowing and stuff...and our patio door has frozen up, so she can't go out that way...and...and...she can't wait until Spring! It's a sad life being a black cat, stuck indoors, no fun at all.

Except, from time to time, we throw a dried kidney bean onto the floor for her. She just loves to play with one of these...they skitter and spin like little tops and seem to come to life. It almost looks like a small beetle on the floor. Eventually it gets lost under a chair or something but it is hilarious to watch her! So the cat is in Spring training for Summer beetle hunting!

Her other fun thing to do is hide in cloth grocery bags. We got a couple of these from Loblaws in black fabric and for some reason she loves to play in them (Don says it's because it matches her fur). I have to drop the bag on the floor, then lift it up by one handle so that she can get in, and then I have to pick it up (cat inside) and carry her to the other end of the house. She pretends to be asleep. I then put her down, she sometimes gets out and we do it all over again, or, she will stay in the bag and grab at anyone who walks by!

I'm not sure who is training whom, or who looks more ridiculous!

Lots of love,

S

---
 
Good news! Such a relief for you all, but eternal vigilance, as always :-)

Sue & Don.

p.s. Freya is asleep. She is exhausted after a long morning of bird-watching. She was staring out from the patio door for at least an hour while I have my binoculars. She did go out for a walk outside, but was back in 5 minutes crying that it was too cold. Still our feathered friends are a constant source of entertainment. We call it “Cat TV” - we have even made extra wide window ledges on the inside of the windows of our house, so that cats can keep watch.

Do you have a place you can watch for birds, M? II find it an interesting pastime that you can do from inside the house, or you can go out to a park or beach, or to the other side of the world and see birds of all types. My family can be quite irritating when we are out walking together with other people. Someone will be saying something serious and one of us will say "Ooh look! A greater spotted marsh twit! You don't see many of those!" 

You don't need any equipment but some people use binoculars and have books to check on the types of birds. Often people record the birds that they spot. Identifying birds isn't all that hard, except that the most common type of bird is small and brown and can be one of about 30 species!

Putting up a bird feeder can attract quite a lot of birds. In the summer there are hummingbirds who may come to a feeder filled with syrup (or you can grow red or orange flowers that they like). Some people say birds are "living dinosaurs" - they may be their closest living relatives. If you look in just the right way at a flock of geese eating grass in a park, you can imagine that it is a herd of dinosaurs grazing...!

Last year we had the Blue Jays nest in the next door cedar hedge. I hope they return this year. They are noisy neighbours as they seemed to spend a lot of their time loudly abusing the passing cat population. About ten times a day the blue jay (I can't tell the male from the female - they look the same) would sit on the fence shouting "Cat! Cat! Cat!" as a cat, hopelessly exposed with no further stealth possible, crept miserably by. 

Our backyard is now being graced with a new couple, Mr. and Ms. Cardinal. They seem to be getting comfy in the backyard snowball bush - I hope they nest there.  The male is magnificent in his bright red feathers, right now all puffed up against the cold - he looks just like the Angry Birds red bird. And he has quite a temper - he is constantly bullying the flock of little juncos who are always merrily bouncing about in the bushes. They don't seem to mind...they just flutter off a little way and carry on with their games. Meanwhile the female cardinal is quite indifferent to all this excitement. She is calmly pecking about looking for seeds. She has pretty brown feathers fringed in red and definitely looks like a little punk princess with a dyed red mohawk, shaved on the sides and pointy on top!

We will have to keep an eye on them this spring and summer - the backyard is an intersection of the territories for three or four cats - and they have a horrible habit of hunting birds. Freya has caught birds in the past, but she often doesn't seem to hurt them. She will bring them home and, when she had her own cat door, she would release them in the house! Then there was a lot of shrieking (from me) and running about with nets to try and catch the bird and get it out of the house! The bird is usually so scared by then that it poops all over the curtains!

The one time that we weren't home and Freya brought in her catch led us to decide to block up the cat door! Unfortunately the cat had recaptured her prey and there were feathers, and bird poop all over the place...and the poor bird was dead! So now, we make sure that the cat is in the house when we are away, and we let her out only under supervision. She doesn't like this much, but that's the New Deal, the bird killer is sentenced to house arrest! 

Silly Songs

Parodies of song lyrics are a weakness of mine...pathetic really.

My Generation 
 A tribute to the late '60's hit of the same name by The Who.

People want to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we can't get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they say are awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Like I didn't die before I got old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)


That was my generation. That was my generation, baby


It's how we all f-f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
'Cos we can't hear what you all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm not trying to cause a big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)


That was my generation. That was my generation, baby


Old stupid and fat
To the tune of Nina Simone's late '60's hit "Young, gifted and black":
_{(I considered using the line "Old, stupid and white" but 'fat' scans even better than the original).}

To be old, stupid and fat,
Oh what a sad and lonely dream.
To be old, stupid and fat!
I think you know what I mean.

In the wide world we all share,
There are billions of us out here,
Who are old, stupid and fat!
And that's a fact!

Old, stupid and fat,
We must begin to tell our young.
There's a world waiting for you,
This is a quest that's just begun.

When you feel really low,
There's a snack food calling you know.
When you get old, stupid and fat,
There's no way back!

Old, stupid and fat,
How I longed to know the truth.
There are times when I look back,
And I am haunted by my youth

Oh but my joy is of today,
We can all be proud to say:
To be old, stupid and fat,
Is where it's at!


Help me shovel through the shiteKris Kristofferson had a big one with "Help me make it through the night", but really he just wanted to get in yer pants...


Take the cat fur from your hair, sweep it up and out the door.
It's another lovely sight, like the puke stains on the floor.


Come lay down by my side, while they prowl through the night.
They're just taking our tomorrows; help me shovel through the shite.


Rolling down to old Meow-ee
Our cats:

• Do not have telephones
• Do not like plain crisps
• Love cat food

They sing:
_{(to the tune of Rolling down to old Maui)}

It's a damned hard life full of toil and strife,
We pussycats must endure.
And we don't give a damn when we're eating our spam,
What it costs you at the store.


For we're always going out that door,
And we're always coming in.
And we always say, when we're on our way:
Let me out, right now, meow-ee!


Let me out, right now, meow-ee, me boys!
Let me out, right now, meow-ee!
And we always say, when we're on our way:
Let us out, right now, meow-ee!